Stuff I StumbledUpon

Office Jokes - Brains on the ass

2009-08-24T22:17:00.000-07:00

Bob:

Are you coming in today?

Bill:
dont think so dude
i have conjunctivits
will text u the day I want to start coming ok?

Bob:
ok ok
hope youre wearing goggles

Bill:
lol
yeah

Bob:
on your ass

Bill:
is that where you get conjunctivitis lol!
hahaha

Bob:
Well, I thought your eyes were on your ass
thats what I always thought

Bill:
thats better than having brains in your ass
like you
lol

Bob:
Brains work anywhere on your body ...imagine you ....seeing other's asses all the time

Software Jokes - Reproducible Incident

2009-08-19T00:58:00.000-07:00

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".

The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".

The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

Software Joke - Hardware problem

2009-08-19T00:55:00.000-07:00

I was in the computer lab, and another student couldn't get her mouse working. I asked her to check the cable. That fixed the problem. I asked why she didn't think of that, and she responded with, "I'm in software, That's a hardware problem".

Really Big wide mouth

2009-08-04T02:25:00.000-07:00

Jokes - It takes ass kissing to succeed

2009-07-22T03:01:00.000-07:00

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that :
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshitand Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Jokes - Rape Charge

2009-07-21T05:53:00.000-07:00

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says,"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

" Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, 'Is this guy blind, or what?'

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"

"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.

"I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff.

"Yes, that's true....but you have all the equipment..."

Jokes - Taxi driver

2009-07-20T06:41:00.000-07:00

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:

“Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the hell out of me!”.

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years…

Jokes - Parking Ticket

2009-07-20T05:40:00.000-07:00

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day the wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, ‘Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?’

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a dumb ass.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So Aunt Phil called him a shithead.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived.

Office 2010: The movie hilarious

2009-07-19T23:58:00.000-07:00

Fearless Honey Badger

2009-07-16T04:56:00.000-07:00

Jokes - Chinese Jews

2009-07-15T23:50:00.000-07:00

Bob and Bill were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Bob," asked Bill, "are there any Jews in China?"

"I don't know," Bob replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Bill asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"

"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No, Chinese Jews."

"Are you sure?" Al asked.

"I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Bob said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."

"Are you really sure?" Bill asked again.

"I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."

"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews."

Indian Belly Dancer

2009-07-14T20:46:00.000-07:00

The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes

2009-07-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

1. When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it’s across the room.
2. All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
3. Chuck Norris doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
4. Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
5. Chuck Norris can’t test for equality because he has no equal.
6. Chuck Norris doesn’t need garbage collection because he doesn’t call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
7. Chuck Norris’s first program was kill -9.
8. Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.
9. All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
10. MySpace actually isn’t your space, it’s Chuck’s (he just lets you use it).
11. Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions…and have them return.
12. Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
13. The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
14. Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
15. Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations…ever.
16. Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.
17. “It works on my machine” always holds true for Chuck Norris.
18. Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
19. Chuck Norris doesn’t do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
20. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
21. Chuck Norris’s beard can type 140 wpm.
22. Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
23. Chuck Norris doesn’t bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
24. Chuck Norris’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
25. When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message “Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?”.

Got any more? Comment them below…

Indian English: English dialogues in South Indian Films (Asian)

2009-07-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

1) U can study and get any certificates. But u cannot get ur death certificate

2) U may have AIRTEL or Virgin connection but when u sneeze you ll say HUTCH

3 ) U can bcome an engineer if u study in engineering college. U cannot become a president if you study in Presidency College

4 ) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ... you cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop.

5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a software engineer cannot becom a software

6 ) U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world in world cup

7) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard.

WHY I OPENED THIS MAIL

Amazing Human Capabilities

2009-07-07T01:00:00.000-07:00

Funny Email: Rational response

2009-07-06T00:26:00.000-07:00

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness..

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.. How soon can I go home?'

Happy Mental Health Day!

You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to an unstable friend...

I've done my part!!!

Posessed Turkish Popstar - jumps in air in a live TV show

2009-07-03T04:24:00.001-07:00

Fox 8 Cleveland does a ridiculous story on a bear in a lady's backyard

2009-07-03T00:32:00.001-07:00

Funny email: Indian Contractor

2009-07-02T06:51:00.001-07:00

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the No. 10. Downing street.

One is an English worker, another is a scottish worker, and the third is an Indian worker.

All three go with a No.10 offical to examine the fence.

English contractor takes out a tape measure & does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run to about £500: £200 for materials, £200 for my crew and £100 profit for me.”

Scottish contractor also does some measuring, figuring, then says, “I can do this job for £600: £250 for materials, £250 for my crew and £100 profit for me.”

The Indian contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the No.10 official and whispers, “£1500.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Indian contractor whispers back, “£500 for me, £500 for you, and we hire the English contractor to fix the fence.” “Done!” replies the government official.

Funny Email: Boobsessed

2009-07-02T06:06:00.000-07:00

A middle-aged man, obsessed with women's breasts, asked a psychologist for help. "Let's begin with word association," said the doctor. "I'll say a word and you say the first thing that pops into your mind."

"Okay."

"Melons." "Breasts."

"Apples." "Breasts."

"Oranges." "Breasts."

This was a deep problem.

"Windshield wipers." "Breasts."

"Whoa! Melons, sure. Apples and oranges, maybe. But windshield wipers? What's the connection there?"

"Easy, doc: there's one on the left and one on the right!"

Funny email: Does sex matter?

2009-07-02T06:04:00.002-07:00

A tourist from Bulgaria visited the United States on his first overseas trip. Upon arrival at the Immigration desk, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application. The Immigration officer looks over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write "Twice a week" into the small space labeled "SEX".

The officer explained: "No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'."

"Does it matter?" the tourist answered.

Funny email: Nuclear power

2009-07-02T06:04:00.001-07:00

Nuclear power

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane. He turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about Nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.

Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't Know about shit?"

Hollie Steel - Britains Got Talent 2009 - Audition

2009-07-02T00:40:00.001-07:00

Blonde Girl Pregnancy Test - Funny Ad

2009-06-30T07:53:00.001-07:00

When not to clean your glasses

2009-06-30T06:15:00.001-07:00

Funny - Skirt goes off in a freak accident

2009-06-30T05:54:00.001-07:00

Funny: Sex as a timer

2009-06-30T04:13:00.000-07:00

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the ‘T’ shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,” You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”

My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!” Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, “Thanks,” and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck. Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?” She explained, “The egg timer’s broken.”

Funny - Haven't seen a man

2009-06-30T04:08:00.000-07:00

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant. “Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients”.

“Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: “So,Murphy, how was your day?”

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.”

“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the doctor.

“The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir,” says Murphy.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this, and what about the third one?” asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: ‘HELP ME for the love of St. Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!’”

“Tunderin’ lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?” asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.”

Funny - Hit in the balls (Pool Trick)

2009-06-30T03:57:00.000-07:00

Funny email: Smart Computer

2009-06-26T06:49:00.000-07:00

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

"Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.

After abrief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting.It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours.Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

Theo Jansen's Kinetic Sculpture

2009-06-26T06:48:00.000-07:00

Funny Email: Pregnant wife

2009-06-26T06:17:00.000-07:00

A man frantically speaks into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" The doctor asks. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Funny Email - The Blonde Flight Attendant

2009-06-26T06:12:00.000-07:00

An airline captain was helping a new blond flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"

"You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?"

She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

German Host Grabs Breast and Gets Smacked

2009-06-25T06:38:00.001-07:00

German Host Grabs Breast and Gets Smacked - Watch more Funny Videos

Sound of Music - Amazing Must Watch

2009-06-24T07:36:00.001-07:00

Funny Hammer Pants Dance - Teamwork

2009-06-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

Catnapped - Circle the Cat Game

2009-06-24T02:40:00.000-07:00

Did anybody hear that simple games are addicting. Circle the Cat is one of those simple games that addict you. The goal in Circle the Cat is to completely surround the cat with green dots. Each turn you get to turn one of the yellow dots green, and the cat gets to move one space. If you surround the cat with green dots, you win. If the cat escapes, you lose.

You can win the game, but you definitely need to make creative use of the pre-existing green dots on the board when the game first starts, and if you get unlucky and get only a few or a few poorly placed dots, better luck next time!

Egg and Sperms :P funny pic

2009-06-22T02:12:00.000-07:00

Source

Funny Leave Letter application excerpts

2009-06-22T00:20:00.000-07:00

Funny collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India

1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.

2. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 O' Clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

3. A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

4. An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

5. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: "As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

6. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

7. Another one: "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

8. From H.A.L. Administration dept: "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

9. Actual letter written for application of leave:"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

10. Letter writing: - "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

11. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..."

12. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days..."

13: A candidate's application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both! For the past several years and I can handle both, I am applying for the post."

Funny Email - Extra Marital Affair

2009-06-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"

2009-06-18T02:58:00.000-07:00

Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD

GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.

PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!

2009-06-18T02:56:00.001-07:00

Tetanus Shot

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up
from the couch then starts putting on his coat.

His wife, seeing the unexpected behaviour, asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."

She says, "Why, are you sick?"

He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.

He says, "Where the heck are you going"?

She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."

He says, "Why, what do you need?"

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a Tetanus shot."

Funny - The best person for the job

2009-06-18T02:49:00.001-07:00

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will followour instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another.They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun was loaded with false bullets" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair!!"

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them

Funny taglines for professionals

2009-06-18T02:46:00.000-07:00

An Optometrist:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

A Plumber:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

Another Plumber's:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

A Gynecologist:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

A Podiatrist:
"Time wounds all heels."

An Exhaust Centre:
"No appointment necessary. We can hear you coming."

A Radiator Repair Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak.

A Tyre Shop:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

An Electrician:
"Let us remove your shorts."

And some non-business related taglines...

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

On an electricity bill:
"We will be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

In a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

MUST WATCH INFOMERCIAL

2009-06-18T02:24:00.000-07:00

Inspirational Video - Never Give up

2009-06-15T22:15:00.000-07:00

Inspirational Video - Disabled Athletes

2009-06-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

Funny Email - Weapon of Maths Destruction :P

2009-06-12T07:34:00.001-07:00

JOHNSBERG – A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

‘Al-gebra is a problem for us,’ the Attorney General said. ‘They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns,’ but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle.’ When asked to comment on the arrest, President George Bush said, ‘If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.’

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

Funny top 10 George Bush moments

2009-06-12T07:28:00.001-07:00

Funny Porn Star Registration

2009-06-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

Moonwalk

2009-06-09T02:32:00.000-07:00

by Martin Kohout (formerly known as Pash*) 2008,http://www.martinkohout.com || NOTE: At the time Moonwalk was uploaded the original scroll-bar had been corresponding to the video in whole duration. Since then youtube added new buttons to the interface and changed the format from 4:3 to 16:9.

Blue Thousand and One Slow Motion

2009-06-08T04:31:00.000-07:00

Blue Thousand and One from Blue Man Group HD on Vimeo.

explain this to your insurance

2009-06-04T00:04:00.000-07:00

Three Wolf Moon T-shirt

2009-05-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

The Three Wolves Moon T-shirt has become one of the most popular items sold byAmazon in the past few weeks.

Funny Korean DHL commercial

2009-05-15T03:26:00.000-07:00

Battle at Kruger

2009-05-14T21:52:00.000-07:00

A battle between a pride of lions, a herd of buffalo, and 2 crocodiles at a watering hole in South Africa's Kruger National Park while on safari.

Lady Punch

2009-05-14T21:49:00.000-07:00

Get Back Up, Nick Vujicic

2009-05-14T21:27:00.000-07:00

Nick Vujicic, born with no limbs, faces obstacles every day of his life. It's not how you start, it's how you finish.

Susan Boyle sings "Cry Me a River"

2009-05-14T21:14:00.001-07:00

15 Unusual and Creative Bus Stops

2009-05-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

15 Unusual and Creative Bus Stops

Creative and unusual bus stop designs that make the time you spend waiting for the bus a bit more bearable.

Color Picker by Jinsun Park

2009-05-13T07:33:00.000-07:00

Designer Jinsun Park from Korea has come out with a simple tool called Color Picker. Place the pen against an object and press the scan button, the color will be detected by the color sensor and the RGB cartridges in the pen will mixed the required inks to create the target color.

http://technomail.blogspot.com/2009/05/color-picker-by-jinsun-park.html